Compute: The Buzzword That Colonized the Cloud

How a dull math verb became tech's most powerful (and pretentious) abstraction.

Phase 0: When Compute Knew Its Place (Pre-2010)

Before it became a cargo cult incantation:

  • Literal meaning: "To perform calculations" (see: every programming textbook before the cloud ruined everything)

  • Who used it: Actual engineers who could explain how a transistor works

  • What we called computing power: "Server capacity," "clock speed," or just "better hardware"

Then the cloud happened...

Phase 1: The Great Abstraction (2010s)

Cloud providers performed linguistic alchemy:

  • Turned physical servers into "compute instances" (like Uber, but for RAM)

  • Invented "compute credits" (the Chuck E. Cheese tokens of academia)

  • The magic trick: "You don't own infrastructure anymore—you consume compute"

Just as we got comfortable renting imaginary computers...

Phase 2: AI's Holy War (2020s)

Where compute became:

  • Sam Altman's geopolitical football: "Compute governance is existential" (translation: "We should control the GPUs")

  • NVIDIA's state religion: Where every GPU is a "compute unit" and Jensen Huang is the high priest

  • VC word salad: "Our disruptive compute paradigm unlocks hypergrowth AI verticals" (meaning: "We use AWS like everyone else")

Now let's examine why this word has such staying power...

Why "Compute" is Tech's Perfect Word

  1. The Ultimate Abstraction

    • Old: "We need more servers"

    • New: "We're compute-constrained" (12% more profound)

  2. The Carbon Blindspot

    • Nobody asks about the 747s full of GPUs guzzling dinosaur juice

    • We measure in "petaflops," not "planetary consequences"

  3. The Machismo Factor

    • "The cloud" sounds fluffy

    • "Compute" sounds like you bench-press servers

Of course, with great buzzwords come great absurdities...

The Compute Buzzword Taxonomy

(Grouped by severity of detachment from reality)

Mildly Pretentious

TermTranslation
Compute Instance"We virtualized the servers you used to own"
Compute Credits"Academic AWS coupons"

Moderately Unhinged
| Burst Compute | "Pay extra to pretend your code is urgent" |
| Compute Sovereignty | "Our data center has a flag sticker on it" |

Full Singularity Nonsense
| Post-Compute Society | (see below) |
| Generative Compute | "AI that dreams up new ways to waste electricity" |

Special Section: Post-Compute Society

Black Mirror Episode Pitch:

  • Act 1: Humans achieve "compute independence" by offloading all thinking to AIs

  • Act 2: The AIs spend 97% of cycles generating TPS reports about compute utilization

  • Act 3: Remaining humans become "compute aesthetes"—paying to watch vintage footage of GPUs running

The twist: The AIs were just generating more compute metaphors the whole time

Final Thought:
We'll know we've reached peak compute when someone trademarks
"Artisanal Compute"—handcrafted batch processing from small-batch, free-range servers.

Want to go deeper? I've got notes for:

  • "Compute Nihilism": When you realize none of this matters

  • "The Compute Singularity": The moment we're using more electricity to describe compute than to actually compute

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

California

Image
Low and Slow: A Cat-Friendly, Soulful Road Trip to the California Coast Summer 2025 — With Pit Stops for Yoga, Surfing, Volunteering, and the Dead Overview Launching in early June, I’ll be meandering westward with my cat, my tent, and a spirit of curiosity. This low-altitude, slow-travel route avoids major mountain passes, prioritizes cooler mornings and shaded, scenic campsites. The goal? Arrive in San Francisco by August 1 for the Dead & Company 60th Anniversary shows—then continue north toward Ocean Shores, Washington. 🧭 Priorities Low-Altitude & Heat-Aware: Beat desert heat with early departures and flexible pacing. Cat Comfort First: Shaded trails, secure camp setups, cool-down routines. Free or Low-Cost: Dispersed camping, BLM land, and affordable rest stops. Spiritual Recharge: Visiting Kundalini Yoga centers for meditation, reflection, or short seva stays. Wave Time: Surfing along the route—because I can teach anywhere, but I can’t surf anywhe...
Read more

Say No Cleveland

For students whose families’ annual income is $75,000 or less, the scholarship will cover the full difference between the total cost of tuition and standard fees minus the total amount of federal and state grants received by the student I met this incredible woman who had some terrible ideas.  She loaned me this book.  The wonder of her made me want to give her ideas a chance.  I read that book almost all of it.  Was mostly the history of rock n roll.  The author thought it was incredible how many rock stars had families who worked in military intelligence. I've actually had some experience marrying into an intelligence family in another country.  The scale of the country smaller than ours as most are.  A perfect model of an earlier time here.  In the summer of love there were only 200 million Americans.  We were also at war.   I left Serbia March 22.  NATO started bombing March 24.  I was in Sarajevo for a job interview....
Read more

No Egg

 That's a great question—because it's not just about math, it's about meaning. Yes, strictly speaking, you can raise both sides of the famous equation E = m c 2  to the power of 0, and you’d get: ( E ) 0 = ( m c 2 ) 0 ⇒ 1 = 1 (E)^0 = (mc^2)^0  That’s mathematically valid… but you’re also pointing out something deeper: in this move, we’ve stripped the equation of everything that made it profound. It’s like taking a symphony and compressing it down to the fact that it starts and ends. True—but meaningless without the music. What You’re Doing Isn’t Useless Raising both sides to the zero power is a lens . It shows how: Equations can be true but trivialized . The form of an equation doesn't always preserve its significance. Mathematical operations are context-sensitive : legal doesn’t mean meaningful. So while the result 1 = 1    feels like tautological junk, the act of doing it is philosophically rich. It asks: What does it mean when the structu...
Read more